Days has passes since my last post. In that time I don't have the mood to write anything. Busy with my personal feeling and without I realize, I've lost in a deep thought. There was once I have a thought about my future life. About what will I become, what job will I have, how many money will I earn through that job, when will I get married, will I become rich and famous. But suddenly all the thought vanishes in the thin air as I began to recall my past. The time when holiday means so much to me. When I can go home and laugh, play, tease, cook and many more. And when I recall that past memories I'll think of the cheap house that we rent, the pampered sound of our cat, my beloved brother and sister, my father, and especially my mother, whom are very hardworking. At that time I recall how happy I was even though we got no money to be spend, we got no delicious food to be eaten, we got nothing... But we know that one thing we got, each other. How we support each other when one is in need. How we cheer ourself with some stupid joke. How we laugh over our past experience. How much fun we had when we all gather together as one big happy family. For us, we don't need to go to Langkawi to have fun. We don't need to go to oversea to have fun. We don't even need to go anywhere to have fun. As long as we're together, we'll achieve happiness no matter where we are. But then it happen. 5 died, 4 remains. I was lost. My hearts broke. The reason why I fight, why I endure every hardship, why I run forward, why I strain myself just to be the best, vanish... The one that give me luck, the one that give me strength, the one that give me hope, the one that give me reasons, is no longer here. At that time I was at my weakest point. One blow from my enemy will make me fall. I've lost my will, I've lot my power, I've lost my ability, I've lost myself. To make matter worst I need to endure the responsible of being the eldest brother. They put a great expectation on me, hoping that I'll come with a surprise, that I'll create a history, write a great story of myself. But at this rate I'll feel like giving nothing aside from surviving with my remains will and power. I'll have to start it all over again from the beginning. I'll need to find something that will gave me strength. I'll need time.......
